Hi, most of you know me some of you don't. I only wish I should change this stupid identity, I hate being a stereotype, I just want to be a normal guy. Who succeeds, not fails. Thats all I've ever been able to do is fail. I can see the pain in my mother's eyes when she sees me all fucked up on drugs, or failing out of school, or getting into trouble. I'm her only son, her baby boy as she likes to put it, and I've let her down. I've let both my parents down. I'm trying so hard to live up to my sister. She has it all, a job, a car, a relationship. But I have nothing. The only trouble is that I have no ambition to do anything about it...I mean I try and try but all I end up with is failure. I guess I deserve to live in this shithole of the town, with the rest of the druggies, working dead end jobs and never amounting to anything.

This is my last semester at high school. And so far, not so good. I've been slacking off and skipping school like it was grade 9...I've been thinking that maybe high school has been my lifeline, like the only thing that keeps me sane. Maybe thats why I've been failing so much. I've been subconciously failing just so I can stay in school longer. But when I see all my friends succeeding and doing something with their lives, it makes me think "Gee, maybe I should have tried a bit harder." I have had a hard life, but I'm not here to complain about that, and I don't mean to make it sound like i'm whining, and I know that I have gotten over it all. I still have trouble dealing with some things. Sure, I put on a smile, but deep down inside I feel that everyone is judging me and that I have to make myself look like they want me too. I hate it and I don't know how to overcome it. Its like I'm experiencing all of life's little challenges for the first time, and I'm almost an adult. I've spent too much time in the dark. It has plagued me for the rest of my life. I am at the age now that it is too late for me to learn all of these things, no matter how much I try. I've made that reputation for myself that even if I'm walking downtown someone will have something to say to me, about any little aspect of my life...I want to go to a place where no one knows me. So I can start over.

Well thats all I have to say for now.